m_findlow: (Default)
[personal profile] m_findlow

Title: Enviable
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen, Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,328 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, Gwen, knowing envying Jack and Ianto was wrong" at fic_promptly
Summary: Gwen can't help but feel jealous of Jack and Ianto.

Gwen held back a sigh as she sat in the back of the SUV. Whilst stopped at the lights, Jack had taken his left hand off the wheel and settled it comfortably on Ianto's right knee. There were no words, nor any visible acknowledgement of the action, but Ianto - for all his low key, let's not make a fuss, intensely private existence - accepted the motion, or perhaps pretended he hadn't noticed, all the while Gwen was certain he both noticed and enjoyed it.

When the lights went green, Jack didn't remove his hand, as if perfectly capable of driving without it. More to the point, she knew that now he had his hand right where he wanted it, without objection or rebuff, he wasn't about to take it away. A pang of jealousy tore through her as she fixated on Jack's hand, just resting there as if it rightfully belonged there. It was the kind of romantic gesture that would make anyone jealous, but more so because it was her two teammates, and she'd been left out in the cold without either of them even noticing.

She loved them both to bits, but it wasn't the same as being in love with them. There were certain liberties that lovers could take with one another that you couldn't take simply because you loved and cared for someone. And Jack took more liberties more often than anyone she'd ever met. Ianto had no idea how lucky he was, she thought.

She envied the way they would just suddenly break concentration from whatever they were doing and just catch them staring at one or the other, sometimes sharing a little smile or a telling glance that was more than just an "I think you're cute". There was a kind of besotted trance that they were both stuck in. She never did that with Rhys, but they'd been together for over ten years now. Jack and Ianto were, what, maybe two or three years in? It was so hard to tell when things between them had actually begun in any serious way. Sometimes it was like they were still in first three dates territory, that honeymoon period where everything is wonderful and new and exciting and it's all you can do to stop thinking about them every minute of the day. Other times it was like they were the world's oldest married couple, finishing each other sentences, having spectacular rows about the stupidest things, or having some shared conversation without her that was all done through looks and telepathy alone. Maybe she and Rhys had been like that in the early years of their own relationship, but they'd been young, early twenties, hanging around between classes at uni and going to the pub every other night, getting slaughtered and waking up in each other's flats totally hungover but certain they must have had some mind blowing lovemaking in between leaving the pub and passing out. Jack and Ianto however were two grown men, rounded out by life's experiences, which for them was even more than the average person, given what they did for a living. There was no explanation for why they should act like star-crossed youths.

She supposed it was jealousy at having to bear witness to every little moment. There was plenty she didn't see, she was sure, once she left for the day, but she had only her imagination to picture what it must be like when they were alone. Was it cosy and relaxed like how she and Rhys usually were after tea, curled up on the couch just quietly absorbing whatever was on TV without really caring? Or was it desperate passion, just waiting for Gwen to go so that they could tear each other's clothes off? Perhaps it was both, or perhaps it was neither. The pair of them, for all their close proximity to her and to each other throughout the day, gave almost nothing away. All she had to go on were the little things they did in her presence.

What must it be like, she wondered, to be with Jack? Hadn't she wondered that a thousand times over? He had such a way about him that would make any girl want to be wrapped up in those strong arms, stare longingly into those blue eyes and let him take you away anywhere. His hands could roam anywhere they liked, and she knew they would, unable to resist. Jack was tactile even with complete strangers. Just imagining those hands all over in a moment of unbridled passion turned her insides to jelly.

But Gwen knew Jack better than most girls. There was all of that charm and that protective manner about him but there was also a darkness. Jack had secrets, things he'd done in the past that he wouldn't talk about, not with anyone, and Gwen had seen the burden that sometimes brought to bear on his relationship with Ianto. There were things he didn't want anyone to know, not even those closest to him who were sure they'd understand. Gwen had hated keeping secrets from Rhys and the damage it had done to their own relationship. She could only imagine what it might be like to have a hundred years of secrets, and how infuriating it must be for Ianto to have to live with not knowing. She knew also that many of those secrets and the things from Jack's past weighed down on him, and that he needed someone to remind him to live in the now and that he was worthy of their affections. For every ounce of love and kindness she and Ianto had given him, he'd returned it a hundred fold.

And Ianto? He was a different proposition altogether. Gwen could, for all their polar opposites, see the attraction for Jack. There was no doubting Ianto was handsome in his own way, but it was his personality that balanced Jack out. In so many ways, Gwen could see a lot of Rhys in Ianto. It was that calming personality, that reassurance and stability that people like her and Jack needed in their lives to keep them grounded and focused on what mattered. They were the kinds of people who would always make sure you were looked after, even to their own detriment. Ianto was ridiculously loyal, but also stalwart. He was no pushover and would stand his ground and tell you if you were being unreasonable, but offset that stubborn side with kindness and generosity. He was undeniably intelligent and also brave but without being overtly or intentionally brave. Perhaps if she hadn't met Rhys first, Ianto would be the sort of person who would be a counterweight to her own headstrong nature. A hug from Ianto at the end of a tough day would be just the right kind of medicine, just able to sink into that embrace and know that nothing more would be asked of her. That was why Jack loved him so much. He never asked any more of Jack than he had capacity to give, but was always there to offer comfort when comfort was needed.

She was jealous, she admitted it openly, because there was just something about the way they were together that made her wish it was her, even though she knew that was wrong. Every little look, every little touch was so restrained and casual, yet held such an intensity that it could escalate into the most fiery and passionate exchange if only she weren't there. She envied them for loving that intensely, knowing that to find a love like that came by maybe once in your life, or perhaps not at all. She loved Rhys with all her heart but no matter how many years they would inevitably have together, she knew that not for one collective moment would they have that same fervent oneness of the two men she worked with, each whose days were finitely numbered and uncertain.

Date: 2019-12-09 10:05 pm (UTC)
bk_forever: (Kiss)
From: [personal profile] bk_forever
I'm pretty sure Ianto knows exactly how lucky he is, and Jack no doubt considers himself equally lucky. Who wouldn't be a little envious of what they share?

July 2025

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