Torchwood: Fanfic: Meals on wheels

[m_findlow]

Title: Meals on wheels
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,319 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for paceisthetrick's prompt "Any, any, meals on wheels" at fic_promptly
Summary: When you're starving, everything looks good enough to eat.

Owen twirled his head at the sudden sound of the car door opening. 'Bloody hell. About time,' he complained. 'I was beginning to think you'd been kidnapped by bloodthirsty cannibals.'

Ianto slid into the passenger seat, glaring at Owen with displeasure. 'That's not even funny. It was five miles back to that petrol station, he replied, if you can even call it that. I don't think they've sold petrol to anyone for at least a month.'

'Out here in the middle of absolutely nowhere, I'm not surprised,' Owen. He looked down at the two shopping bags in the footwell. 'Well, I hope you got us something decent to eat. I'm starving.'

Ianto cast a glance back at Tosh and Gwen seated in the back of the SUV, each looking tired, bored and more than a little stiff. At least he'd been out in the fresh air, even if his feet were a little sore from the lengthy walk. Enough time stuck in a car with Owen and he'd probably walk a hundred miles just for a bit of peace. 'I hope Owen hasn't spent the past two hours getting his hopes up,' Ianto warned, tempering their expectations back down to a level he could manage.

'If I hear the word pizza one more time,' Gwen said, 'it will be Owen who has to worry about being eaten by cannibals.'

'I wouldn't bother,' Ianto replied before Owen could edge in another complaint, 'he'd be all skin and bones, and even those would taste bitter.'

'Bite me, Teaboy,' Owen snarked. 'Now, what did you bring us?'

Ianto stared dejectedly down into the two white plastic bags. He wasn't about to win any popularity contests with the haul he'd brought back. It had almost been a case of bringing back nothing, but he knew what kind of mutiny he might receive if he came back empty handed. Despite the paltry offerings he'd had to choose from, they'd probably have sent him to walk back the five miles again with strict instructions not to come back without food.

He rifled through the bags, trying to mentally order the contents from most appealing to least impressive. 'I got two pasties,' he said pulling them out first. They'd been lukewarm when he bought them and were now virtually stone cold and a little grey.

'Two? You expect us to share two between four?' Owen demanded.

'They only had two,' Ianto argued. 'Even so, they look like they might have been sitting in that pie warmer for days.' Or weeks, he didn't add. He was more than happy to let his share go to someone else. Dying of food poisoning a million miles out in west Wales from a dodgy service station pastie was not how he wanted to go out of this world. If Jack was ever coming back, he'd never forgive Ianto for being so cavalier.

'Think I'll pass,' Tosh said, grimacing at the offer and clearly coming to the same conclusion.

'Snooze you lose, Tosh,' Owen said, snatching one of the crinkly plastic bags and tearing it open before biting into the cold contents.

'I'm willing to risk it,' Gwen agreed, reaching forward to claim the second one.

'What else have you got?' Owen muffled around a large mouthful of potato and pastry.

'One chocolate bar,' Ianto reported, holding it up but far enough away that no one could reach, 'which we'll all be sharing,' he added, giving them a warning look the defied anyone to try and relieve him of it. 'One packet of salt and vinegar crisps, and a box of cornflakes.'

'Cornflakes?' Gwen asked.

'They were the safest looking thing to buy.' In fact they were virtually the only thing left to buy. Clearly the service station didn't get a lot of patronage. It didn't even sell those miniature cartons of milk. A few packets of cigarettes, the chocolate, which was the last bar in the display box, and a sad tower of tinned cans of pea and ham soup, were all that remained on offer. Unless of course he was interested in a bicycle tyre pump, a half pint of motor oil, a polka dot umbrella, or a cassette of Kenny G which looked untouched since it had probably been unpacked from a stock order in 1989, still in its plastic wrap, if a little yellowed with age. Just occasionally Owen was right when he said Wales was a backwater place twenty years behind the rest of Britain. It certainly made him glad of the conveniences of living in the capital where most places were open 24/7 and allowed you to be spoilt for choice. He'd ended up buying up half the store, and the bored owner asleep behind the counter must have thought all his Christmases had come at once.

If only the SUV's battery hadn't chosen this trip to conk out. They had an alien backup power source that could give it more juice, but it was small and portable, not meant for charging up something as big as an SUV. When he'd left to forage for food, it was only thirteen percent charged. Checking the dash display now, it was still only forty percent. They'd need at least seventy before the battery would even let the engine kick over.

'Don't think I'm eating cornflakes,' Owen grumbled, having polished off the pastie and now eyeing off the bag of crisps.

'Which we wouldn't have to if someone hadn't scoffed all of the emergency energy bars we had packed in the car last week.'

'You should have restocked.'

'I would have if someone had told me.'

'I just assumed you checked this stuff. How I am supposed to know to tell you?'

Gwen groaned. 'Can we please stop arguing?'

'Tosh? You get first dibs,' Ianto replied. 'Cornflakes or crisps?'

'I'm okay with cornflakes. At least I hope they're still before their sell by date.'

Ianto nodded. 'They are. I checked. A pity we couldn't get any milk to go to with them,' he said, sliding a finger under the box lid, before tugging open the plastic bag inside. Tosh reached in and grabbed a large handful, settling back in her seat, munching quietly on them.

'Yeah, go on,' Gwen said, reaching in for some as well. 'That pastie was bloody awful. Anything to get rid of the taste.'

'What about the crisps?' Owen asked.

'I'll go halves with you,' Ianto said. It was only a small packet and they got a half dozen each, plus a few crumbs.

Only Owen passed on the cornflakes in the end, the resting of them crunching on them like they were haute cuisine. Finally, Ianto broke out the chocolate, snapping it into four equal sections. At least chocolate never went off. It didn't even have any bloom on it, and it would tide them over for a few hours until they could get the SUV back on the road and back to civilisation. Trust it to break down on the country's most deserted road. The strange signal they'd been tracking hours ago was long gone too. If it had been a spacecraft of some kind, it probably pulled up at that same service station, realised there was nothing to be had, and duly left, thinking planet Earth to be a rather rubbish place to visit. For their own part, the team were not going to be rating this part of the Welsh hinterland on TripAdvisor anytime soon, except perhaps to warn the odd ill-fated traveler to keep on driving.

'It's really nice that we can spend this quality time together over a communal meal,' Ianto quipped.

Owen snorted. 'Yeah, cause there's nothing I love more than spending hours stuck in a car in the middle of nowhere with nothing to eat and the prospect of more nothing to follow it up.'

'At least there's no man-eating cannibals,' Tosh replied.

'There is that.'

Comments

[mscatmoon.livejournal.com]

I suppose considering their last visit to the middle of nowhere, this was definitely a step up. And supporting a needy local business is a plus. ;)

[jo02]

"There is that" - Indeed.

And Owen shouldn't tempt Ianto with "Bite me", cos it may just happen if they're out there too long.

[bk_forever]

What a disastrous trip that was, made worse by Owen being a grumpy, greedy sod. Ianto did well to provide any food at all after a very long trek. I think he'll have to fit in checking the SUV's staple supplies daily now though, since Owen can't be trusted to inform him of what needs restocking.