m_findlow

Title: No turning back
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Lisa
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,256 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 175 - Push at beattheblackdog
Summary: They've come so far but now Ianto has to commit fully and without fear.

'I want to walk. Please.'

Ianto's heart clenched in his chest at the words. There was such an edge to them and a strong willed determination to do what he thought was almost impossible. He'd already told her that he didn't think she could. He was still breathless at the fact that she was even awake. Not only awake but breathing on her own. After months of tying to hold things together for the both of them, he knew this was the moment when he had to be the strong one.

How many times had he sat there, fiddling with technology he barely understood, trying to make it better, trying to do whatever he could to keep her alive. His knowledge of medicine had trebled almost overnight as he researched the kinds of drugs that would ease pain, induce sleep and not interfere with other organ function. Owen would have been terrified at how much he now knew, and even more horrified that Ianto had been carefully stealing and replacing such supplies out from under his nose when he needed them. They were the kind of Class A substances that only a qualified medical practitioner could acquire and administer, and even then there were strict guidelines. Ianto had to be careful not to throw up any red flags with the pharmaceutical companies. He didn't need them calling Owen and asking questions, or reporting him to the NHS Practitioners Oversight Committee.

How many times had he given Lisa drugs, wondering if they would work, or even if they were too strong? The truth was that he didn't know how far into the conversion process she was. He didn't know what was left of her internal organs that he needed to be mindful of when he pushed yet another syringe of drugs into her IV line. He just worked on the basis that the conversion had only been the external bits - that underneath all that metal was still his beloved Lisa, whole and in need.

He'd barely slept. During the day he was anxious, his stomach tied up in knots at the idea of being so far away from her. He'd go down there and check on her as often as he could, but sometimes the team would drag him into things that would take hours, or even the better part of a whole day. He was terrified of coming back and finding her in ten kinds of agony or worse, guilty that he should have been there to help. Even at night he tossed and turned, afraid of waking up to find she'd slipped away from him when he wasn't looking. It would be just like her to spare him having to watch her die. She didn't want to die, but in those rare lucid moments they had together, he knew she could see the toll this was taking on him as well. Keeping it together for the sake of the team was one thing - a crucial facade he had to desperately keep in place - in order to protect them both from being uncovered. But when it was just the two of them alone, he could let that act drop away and just be himself, tired and scared and more in love with her than ever. He let her tell him what she knew about her condition, having data downloaded into her mind that became their essential lifeline between survival and what came next. It frightened him how cool she could sometimes be, explaining things to him that by rights neither of them should understand, but they also knew it was a blessing in disguise. Without it, Lisa would most definitely have been dead weeks ago.

It was a small miracle that they were even here now, having pushed the boundaries of science and medicine to keep her alive long enough to bring in more expertise. They were at a tipping point now, taking the first huge step in undoing the awful horror, giving Lisa back the ability to sustain her own life force without the aid of the machines downstairs. And now Jack and his team were threatening to impede those efforts.

Ianto knew they didn't have long. He could almost count the seconds they had in his head, tugging away at the cabling and monitors that had been attached to Lisa's body, knowing precisely how long it would take the team to cross the Plass, down the steps to the quayside and along the wooden boards to the entrance of the tourist office. He could visualise Jack's hand reaching around the edge of desk to press the button for the door, just as Ianto's own hand reached around Lisa's waist. It didn't fit nearly so comfortably as it used to, all those hard metal edges getting in the way of the supple skin that should have been there. Sometimes it felt like a dream, imagining the way their bodies had always fitted together perfectly, Lisa's slender hip brushing his own. It was like they were meant to be.

He paused at the bottom of the medical bay stairs. They looked more foreboding than ever as he clutched Lisa to his side.

'Are you sure?' He didn't want her to push herself beyond what she could. If he had to carry her, he would. There be time enough later to marvel at how much strength she'd already regained just from those first few actions. It filled him with immense hope of just how quickly they might be able to heal her fully.

'I'm okay,' she said, lifting a shaky foot up onto the first step. Ianto leaned into her weight, helping her to ascend it. Each step seemed to take forever, and Ianto could feel the lift overhead dropping floor by floor. For each step they took up, the lift descended another floor, bringing the team that much closer to them.

No sooner had they mounted the final step then he was practically sweeping her across the hub floor and away towards the lower levels. Tanazaki helped a little, holding Lisa up from the other side, but Ianto found a renewed strength, knowing what was at stake and taking the lion's share of her weight. He could tell she was flagging. Her earlier excitement at being freed from the life support machines had given her an adrenaline hit, but that was all but gone as they descended lower and lower, speeding away from the people who would want to destroy her.

Ianto swiped his access card against the door just as he could imagine hearing the large cogwheel door in the hub clunking open with its flashing lights and whirring alarm tones. They weren't safe yet; not until he got Lisa back to her room and sealed her away inside. What they'd do after that he didn't know. He'd kept them hidden for so long down there. What difference would it make to keep Dr Tanazaki down here as well? It was probably disrespectful to hold the man hostage, especially after putting him up in the finest hotel in Cardiff, but what choice did he have? Tying to sneak him in and out every day was risky. They had vital work to do, and once it started, he didn't want it to stop for anything - not sleep, not food, nothing. They'd made it this far and now they had to keep pushing ahead. They were so close, Ianto could feel it in his heart. Soon everything would be better and they could leave this place forever.