Torchwood: Fanfic: Indoor plants

[m_findlow]

Title: Indoor plants
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 730 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Any, any, a lovely row of lettuces" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack's desk has a new feature time morning.

Ianto stopped just short of Jack's desk as he came into deliver the first coffee of the morning. A bright green cluster of plant life caught his eye immediately. Ianto took in the row of lettuces lined up along the edge of Jack's desk, his curiosity overbrimming. 'Since when are you such a green thumb?'

Jack chuckled, admiring the leafy greens. 'I'm many things Ianto, but a gardener is not one of them.'

'So, how did you end up with a planter box of lettuces? Was this someone's idea of a strange thank you gift, or was there some early morning rift alert at the local plant nursery I wasn't aware of?'

'Neither.'

Ianto was confused by Jack's reply. He leaned over to peer at them more closely. There was no planter box on Jack's desk. There wasn't even any soil. The lettuces seemed to be growing straight out of the surface of the desk. They hadn't been there yesterday but now they were plump and green with thick curly leaves and each about the size of a large grapefruit. 'What the hell happened?'

'I had that box of seeds we found open on my desk yesterday. I was going to give them to Owen to propagate and find out what they were but then I got distracted. I sneezed and a couple of them blew out of the box. I picked up the ones I could see and put them back inside, but they were so small I must have missed some of them.'

'But... seeds can't just take root in your desk!' Ianto stammered. 'They need soil and water and sunlight.' None of those things were going to happen down here, not unless Jack spilled a glass of water. Even then, they wouldn't have any soil or sunlight.  

'They're alien seeds, Ianto. Maybe the don't need soil. They also don't seem to need a whole lot of time to go from a tiny seed into a full blown plant. I admit, I was more than a little surprised when I came in this morning, but now I've kind of gotten used to them. They've grown on me, if you can pardon the pun.'

The pun was indeed awful but Ianto let it slide. 'Well, be that as it may, you can't have a desk that's part planter pot.' There was enough junk on it at the best of times, taking up valuable space that should have been available for work, or for other extracurricular activities. 'They didn't sprout up anywhere else, did they?'

Jack shook his head, fingering one of the lettuces. 'Nope. Just my desk.'

'Good.' The last thing they needed were plants just randomly springing up all throughout the hub. What if one had gotten itself inside their computer servers, or the rift machine? It could overheat and malfunction and God only knew what might happen then. Ianto sighed, setting his hands on his hips. 'So, what do we do now? If we pull them up will that stop them from coming back?'

Jack shrugged. 'I dunno. Guess it depends on their root system.'

If the roots were buried down in the hardwood of Jack's desk, then there was no way they were going to be able to do more than tear off the top leaves. They'd just keep coming back, unless of course Ianto sprayed them with some weed killer. That could be an option. He was sure Owen had some up in the hothouse. Strong stuff for emergencies when alien plants decided to go rogue.

'Well, this is another fine mess you've created,' Ianto stated, unafraid of delivering the harsh words to his own boss. 'If you'd wanted to brighten up your office I could have bought you a pot plant or some silk flowers.'

'Look on the bright side,' Jack replied.

'And what's that?'

'At least we won't have to order an extra side of coleslaw go with our pizza. We have our own home grown side salad. Just look at them. That's the loveliest row of lettuces I've ever seen.'

Ianto fixed him with a look of tested patience. 'Uh huh. And just try convincing everyone that an alien lettuce that grew out of your desk overnight is totally safe to eat.' He for one did not want to be responsible for the proliferation of a plant that required nothing to survive.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Oh, but they sound so pretty and decorative, seems a shame to kill them off, they could be just a super-hardy fast-growing futuristic variety designed to grow in any conditions and end world hunger!

Loved this, thank for the fill!