Torchwood: Fanfic: What the lady says

[m_findlow]

Title: What the lady says
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 704 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Any, any, caught napping" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto has caught Gwen getting out of the wrong side of the bed.

Ianto panicked for a moment as he spotted Gwen collapsed on her desk. Being that this was Torchwood, and that Gwen was also heavily pregnant, his first fear was that she was hurt. It was only as he rushed over that he saw she was breathing steadily. He knew she'd had a few rough night's sleep with the baby and all so this was probably just an innocent nap. All the same, he thought it might be best to be sure. If she was just tired he could always send her home to rest up. And if it was something more serious, well, then they could do something to help.

Ianto gently reached down and shook Gwen's shoulder. 'Gwen?'

She bolted up with a start, startling Ianto in the process. 'Guh! I'm here. What's happening?'

'Afternoon,' Ianto greeted. 'Everything alright? You were napping on your desk.'

'I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine,' Gwen said, brushing him off and running a hand through her hair.

'You look exhausted. Would you like me to take you home?'

Gwen gave him an incredulous smile. 'No, don't be silly. I'm good to go. I just need a coffee that's all.'

Ianto gave her a concerned look. 'You've had three today already.'

She scrunched up her face, trying to remember. 'Have I? No, that can't be right. That's was yesterday.'

Ianto perched on the edge of the desk, careful not to sit on anything breakable. 'I make the coffee, Gwen. I've been keeping count. Jack's orders,' he reminded her.

Gwen groaned and slumped forward on the desk again, burying her head in her arms. 'Bloody Jack.'

She lifted her head again, suddenly looking annoyed. 'D'you know, the way he's been acting you'd think this was his baby I was having. "Don't carry that, Gwen. You stay here in the car, Gwen. That's your last cup of coffee for the day, Gwen." So you know what, Ianto? Sod it. Sod Jack and all his bloody rules.
Do you know what it's like carrying something the size of a basketball inside you? Do you? Do you worry if your pants will still fit in the morning and wonder how long until your back starts aching and your feet swell to twice their normal size? Have you ever looked at those ugly orthotic shoes in the windows of chemist shops and thought "gee, those look nice and comfy"?
And you know what else? This desk has been the most comfortable place I've slept for weeks, because it's the one time when I don't have an entire sack of potatoes trying to cut off circulation to everything below my waist. Imagine what that's like for a moment. You wouldn't even be able to get it up with the amount of circulation I've got down there right now.
And don't even talk to me about the complete lack of a sex life! You think a pregnant woman doesn't have a libido? I just don't have the energy for it, that's all. What I wouldn't give for a good old fashioned romp between the sheets. I bet you don't go twenty-four hours without a good shag, do you? The world can be ending, but oh no, there's always time for that. You never have to worry about getting pregnant though, do you? You and Jack can shag all day and all night like bloody rabbits and you'll never have to worry about walking around like a human elephant, or going to the toilet every five minutes because the spot where your bladder used to sit doesn't have room anymore, and having everyone thinks it's okay to want to touch you like you're some animal in a zoo.
So, let me tell you something, Ianto. You can tell Jack to shove his bloody rules up his very well-shagged arse, and get me a damn coffee!'

Ianto let go of the edge of the desk, realising for the first time that he'd had it in a death grip, bracing against Gwen's vitriolic onslaught. 'I'll get right onto that,' he said, scurrying away as fast as his legs would take him. Next time, he decided that he'd take the advice of a very old saying and let sleeping dogs lie.

Comments

[jo02]

" ... and let sleeping dogs lie. "

Ahahahaha - you knew that would get me out of my lurkery lurkedness, didn't you?

And also - " ... his very well-shagged arse ... "

Well, she gets points for knowing who tops in that relationship :)

[bk_forever]

While I sympathise with Gwen, she's got it easy compared to Ianto when he ends up pregnant with triplets.

If the baby is turning somersaults for the rest of the day and night because of the extra coffee, Gwen only has herself to blame!