m_findlow

Title: Learning to love again
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 771 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for paceisthetrick's prompt "Any, any, one step forward, two steps back" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto it is intent on memorising every inch of Jack so he'll never forget it again.

Jack lay his body down, pressing it closer to Ianto's as he plundered Ianto's mouth with his tongue. If it seemed desperate, Jack didn't care. He had a lot of lost time to make up for, and he was going to give Ianto the kiss of a lifetime, lest it ended up being their last. Fortunately for him, Ianto reciprocated with equal enthusiasm, pulling Jack close so that he was trapped between Jack's body and the bed underneath. It seemed Ianto too, was determined to make up for missed opportunities. After so many months of turbulent uncertainty, all was finally right again in the world.

Jack finally broke away from the kiss, only so that he could regain his breath. It just wouldn't do to pass out, no matter how good the kiss was. As he did, he felt Ianto go tense underneath him.

'Jack?'

Jack leant back down and placed a series of feathery kisses along his collarbone. 'Mmm?'

'You don't think maybe we could... you know... turn the lights on?'

Jack pulled back. 'What for?' Ianto had always preferred they do things in the dark. Jack was sure it was because Ianto was still slightly embarrassed at having his body on display. He was the self conscious sort, no matter how much Jack told him he was gorgeous.

'I um...' How to explain it? Having lost his memories for six months was still taking some getting used to, now that he'd finally gotten them back. Even though they'd returned for the most part, he was still finding certain things clunky, like he'd forgotten all about them and was having to relearn them all over again.

Jack was one of those things. That he loved Jack with every fibre of his being wasn't in question. All of those memories had come back full force, and he wondered how he ever could have forgotten how much he loved Jack, and how much Jack loved him. The difficulty however was that some things still felt unfamiliar. It was sort of like falling in love all over again, with all the awkwardness that went along with it, as two people figured out how to become one person.

Just lying here in bed trying to kiss and make love was proving difficult. Where he should have known every inch of Jack's body by heart, his muscle memory was failing him. His hands just couldn't seem to find the right places to put themselves, and everything felt new. It was partly exciting but more devastating than anything. What he really wanted was just to be able to see Jack and to begin memorising every line and contour of his body, so that his hands and lips would know exactly where they needed to be. It wasn't quite like making love for the first time, but it wasn't far off.

'It's okay,' Jack said, sensing his awkwardness, and saving him the trouble of having to come up with a reason. 'We can have the lights on if that's what you want,' he said, reaching over for the bedside lamp. Its bright glow cast shadows around the bedroom, but left the pair of them perfectly illuminated.

He watched Ianto carefully as he settled back down beside him. He could feel Ianto's hands working their way across his back and arms, but it was the intent look in his eyes that was doing all the work. Jack watched as those tender fingers traced down his chest, touching the warm skin ever so slowly and gently. But it was the intensity of the eyes that followed them that made Jack stop breathing altogether. If was as if he were seeing it all for the first time.

Perhaps in a way he was. He was drinking in the sight of Jack, learning the curvature of every muscle, running his hands over his skin like a blind person, using touch to see. It still made Jack shudder to think he'd almost lost Ianto forever, and that they might never be together again because of the amnesia, but none of that mattered anymore. His Ianto was back, even if it was baby steps to get back to where they'd been. If Ianto wanted to make love and to see every bead of sweat on Jack's forehead, every ripple of muscle, every facial expression of pure ecstasy, then that was what they'd do. They'd worked too hard to get where they were. If it took two steps back to go one step forward, then that was okay by Jack. Having Ianto's eyes on him was almost better than having his lips on him.