Torchwood: Fanfic: A helping hand

[m_findlow]

Title: A helping hand
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, OCs
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 3,048 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Remix for badly_knitted's fill "Rent an alien" for samuraiter's prompt "Any, any, signing the essential paperwork for borrowing the giant squid" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack is forced to rethink Torchwood's generosity about all things alien.

Ianto could tell Jack was off the phone simply by the loud clattering of the handset hitting the receiver. Whether he'd hung up on the person at the other end or simply dropped it back down in frustration, Ianto couldn't yet tell.

Ianto continued wiping down the kitchen bench with his teatowel, hearing Jack's familiar boots coming towards him. 'Mayor's office, Home Office, or UNIT?' Ianto asked. Very few other people warranted one of Jack's irritated phone slams, and fewer still had his direct line.

'UNIT,' came the one word reply.

Ianto carefully folded the towel and set it hanging on the small rack beside the cupboards. 'And what did they want from us this time?'

Jack set his hands on his hips as he watched Ianto work. 'They’re asking to borrow the giant squid.'

Ianto sighed and shook his head. 'I don’t know, you get a giant squid and suddenly everybody wants to borrow it. Did UNIT say why they need her?' He was trying to make light of it to cheer Jack up, since he seemed unenthused about the conversation he'd had.

'They screwed up and lost a very valuable mini-sub over the edge of the Mariana Trench and they’re hoping our squid can retrieve it for them.'

'Ooh, that’s a big job. I’ll just pop down and ask Gloria what she thinks. If she’s willing to try, I’ll fax UNIT the requisition forms and they can send us the coordinates.'

'Don't bother.'

Ianto stopped mid way through his inventory of their kitchen cupboards, pencil paused over the shopping list in his hand. 'Sorry?'

Jack heaved out an annoyed sound. 'We're not some library where people can just come and borrow whatever they like whenever they like. Where's the quid pro quo? You don't see UNIT letting us borrow a tank or letting us use their state of the art genetic research laboratories, do you?'

'Well, actually there was that one time...' Ianto trailed off.

Jack cut him off. 'Once upon a time, we used to be respected.'

'But-' Ianto began.

Jack raised a hand and cut him off again. 'And what about Gloria? Doesn't she get a say in this?'

'Of course. I was assuming she might be amenable to the request.'

'It's undignified,' Jack replied. 'She doesn't deserve to be used like some object.'

'We used her,' Ianto replied. 'Remember when we had that meteor that landed just off Barry Island?'

'That was different.'

Ianto couldn't see how it was different, but judging by Jack's demeanor he didn't press for a distinction.

Jack's brow furrowed for a moment, lost in deep thought. 'How did UNIT even know we had a giant squid, anyway?'

'She was included in our mutually shared database,' Ianto replied. 'She wasn't deemed highly sensitive.'

Jack gave a gruff little sound that could have been acceptance or surprise.

'So, that's a no, then?' Ianto asked.

Jack stepped closer up and leaned his palms on the the counter. 'Not only is it a no, it's the end of us being the laughing stock of every international agency tasked with the protection of this planet. We're not sharing anymore. It's us or them.'

'That's a little extreme, don't you think?'

Jack looked pensive. 'Maybe Yvonne was right all those years ago. We're better than them. They should be on their knees begging us to help them.'

'Instead of in their office chairs asking for help,' Ianto quipped.

The comment didn't go down well. Jack's glare was enough to make him freeze to the spot. 'I imagine you have some other work to do?'

Ianto waggled the shopping list. 'Just on my way out,' he replied, making a hasty exit.

The last thing Ianto expected as he was pushing his trolley down the aisle at Tesco was to receive a call direct from General Thorn at UNIT. From his rather polite and tentative tone, Ianto could tell he was hoping Ianto might be able to sway Jack's decision if he put forth a reasonable argument. Judging by the earlier exchange, he didn't like his chances.

'I'm sorry general, but it's a no.'

There was a frustrated little huff on the other end of the line. 'But we've already filled out and signed the paperwork, in triplicate! It's a right pain but we understand you have your protocols to follow.'

'A preemptive action on your part that we appreciate,' Ianto apologised. He knew just how tiresome it was because he was the one who'd devised the twenty two page tome. He'd done his best to cut it down to something more manageable, but when you dealt with alien artifacts and creatures, you had to ask a lot of questions about what its intended use was. Safety for all was paramount. 'I expected Captain Harkness to agree,' Ianto replied.

'What's changed?'

That Jack got out of the wrong side of bed this morning, he felt like saying, but held his tongue. 'Torchwood is a complicated business, sir.'

'Then I think it's only fair to tell you that we have a slightly larger issue.'

Jack was livid once Ianto reported the whole truth of the matter to him, though waiting at least until Jack had drunk half his coffee before relaying his conversation with the General.

'Leaking nuclear fuel rods?'

Ianto slowly turned his own mug on the desk, keeping his eyes fixed on it, rather than Jack. 'Well, to be fair, most submarines are powered by nuclear energy these days,' he replied. 'They obviously did a little bit more than just accidentally drive it off the edge of the trench.' The General's actual words had been "I think the bloody thing needs more work done on it" and "it’ll be my ass if we can’t get that bloody submersible back", but now probably wasn't a good time to mention either.

Jack sat behind his desk, arms folded and looking considerably more annoyed. 'And what if we'd agreed to send Gloria without knowing the sub was leaking nuclear material?'

'She's relatively immune to radiation, being from a planet with a thin atmosphere, according to Owen.'

'Not the point, Ianto. Get Thorn on the phone,' he ordered.

Ianto did as instructed, pulling the old rotary phone on Jack's desk around to face him, and dialing the number.

'General,' Jack began, dispensing with the usual greetings and pleasantries. 'You haven't been quite candid with me.'

The general, to his credit, didn't rise to Jack's "to the point" manner of addressing him. 'A matter of security, I'm sure you'll understand. Not to mention slightly embarrassing.'

Jack leaned forward, elbows on the desk as he held the phone close to his ear. 'Let's pretend I don't understand.'

'This prototype has cost considerable millions of pounds and is the only working prototype of its class. Losing it would set us back months.'

'Not to mention the exorbitant cost of losing all those nuclear fuel rods, I imagine.'

'Our concern was more for the environmental impact than their cost, I assure you. We were reliably informed that your cephalopod would be suitably equipped to assist in the matter.'

'Well, you're lucky that this particular species of alien squid has a naturally high tolerance to most sources of radiation, otherwise you'd be having to front up to the United Nations to explain why you decided to test a prototype nuclear submarine in one of the world's most fragile and unexplored marine ecosystems.'

Ianto cringed at the way Jack could seamlessly dress down one of the highest ranking officials in the intergalactic intelligence community.

The general could be heard clearing his throat awkwardly on the other end. 'I infer from your comments that you've since changed your mind?'

Jack gave Ianto a look. 'I maybe somewhat inclined to acquiesce to your request, but at the end of the day, I can't make Gloria do anything she doesn't want to.'

'I'd be more than happy to put forth our proposal directly to your, er, colleague.'

'That won't be necessary,' Jack told him. 'We'll handle it.'

'Your cooperation is appreciated, Captain. After the damage that was done to the Octopus Rock, we began work on improving the designs to ensure such incidents couldn't occur again.'

'Don't push your luck, General,' Jack warned him. 'We'll be in touch.'

Ianto headed down to Torchwood’s underwater docks and took out their own mini-sub, steering it out to the deepest part of Cardiff Bay where Gloria, whose true name was unpronounceable by humans, had set up home after falling through the Rift and getting stranded on Earth. Though it really didn't require two people, and made the miniature submersible a little on the cosy side, Jack insisted on coming along.

Ianto flipped a switch on the main console, activating an external underwater speaker and spoke into the small microphone beside it. 'Morning, Gloria.'

'Iantoooo,' Gloria greeted him warmly. 'This is not a scheduled visit.' Tosh’s translator technology allowed them to communicate quite easily.

'No, it’s not. UNIT have got themselves into a mess and were wondering if you might be able to help them out, for an appropriate fee of course.'

'Of course. Nature of problem?'

'They drove their mini-sub off the edge of the Mariana Trench and now they can’t get it back. There's also the matter of a set of nuclear fuel rods on board that power the sub. Part of the casing has cracked and they're leaking out into the ocean, but hopefully that shouldn't be a problem for you. It's quite important that we recover the rods so that UNIT can dispose of them safely. Unlike you, other creatures on Earth get very sick and die from radiation poisoning.'

Jack leaned forward and jostled Ianto out of the way so that he could reach the microphone. 'Gloria, it's Jack here.'

'Jaaack,' Gloria burbled. 'It's so very nice to speak to you as well.'

'Likewise,' he said, watching her through the wide curved window of the submersible, giving her a little wave. 'I just wanted to say that you don't have to do this if you don't want to.'

'Jack!' Ianto hissed grabbing him by the arm.

Jack shrugged out of Ianto's grip. 'What? We didn't make any promises. We don't treat our guests like slaves. It's her choice.'

There was silence for a few minutes as Gloria considered the problem, then she requested specifics on the submersible in question: dimensions, weight, and so forth. Jack and Ianto relayed the information via a video screen, which Gloria studied before reaching a decision. 'It can be done.'

'We'll arrange for a suitable payment,' Ianto promised, asking her to name her price, knowing that UNIT would happily pay for a few tonnes of seafood. 'And thank you.'

'It will be my pleasure,' she replied.

Ianto gave her the coordinates where UNIT had lost contact with their sub so that she could start making the journey.

'We'll see you there in a day or two,' Jack promised, signing off.

Ianto looked at him. 'We will?'

'She's still our squid, so I'd like to make sure she's okay. Besides, you keep complaining we don't go on holidays. A couple of days cruising the Pacific Ocean sound okay to you?'

'I'll have to find my swimming trunks,' Ianto replied.

Jack and Ianto were standing on the edge of the Moorland, watching the deep blue sea swirl around beneath the large UNIT carrier ship. All around them UNIT marines were preparing winches and pulleys for eventually bringing the submarine back on board, and a second group of scientists were pitching around in a smaller vessel just off the port bow, armed with equipment and radiation dive suits. Before the sub could be removed from the water, or even towed, the team would need to secure the nuclear material, ensuring it remained contained. The salt water would help, but they couldn't let it come into contact with the air.

For their part, the two Torchwood officers expected to have very little involvement in the exercise, simply watching on. Once the sub was lifted from its precarious spot wedged halfway down the trench shelf, and additional ballast added to keep it in place, Gloria's role would be over. After that, it was all up to UNIT.

Jack nudged Ianto who was staring off at the distant grey clouds and pointed down at the water's surface, which was now bubbling. A moment later, there was a pinkish tentacle waving up at them, signaling that Gloria needed to tell them something. They already had a microphone and receiver dangling into the ocean off the port railing on a long thin cable. The top end was attached to Ianto's laptop with a copy of Tosh's translation program.

'What is it, Gloria?' Jack asked.

'The submarine is much more badly damaged than expected,' she reported. 'The leak is very large. Even I can't go too near it without feeling unwell.'

Ianto looked at Jack. 'What do we do now?'

Jack sighed. 'Someone is going to have to go down there and repair the worse of the damaged hull to stop the radiation leaking out.'

'But if Gloria can't even get that close to it...' he stopped mid sentence, realising what Jack was implying.

'Are you sure this is a good idea?' Ianto asked, feeling slightly nauseous now that they were on the small scientific vessel, feeling every wave and roll of the tides do the same to his stomach.

Jack tugged on the gloves that went with his wetsuit, before letting three of the UNIT personnel on board help him into the reinforced radiation proof dive suit.

'That suit is only going to slow your exposure,' Ianto continued. 'It was never designed to withstand the levels down there.' Just having seen the readings from Geiger counter that they'd strapped to one of Gloria's tentacles made his head spin.

'I'll be fine,' Jack assured him. 'I've survived prolonged exposure to stet radiation wearing nothing but a t-shirt and trousers.'

Ianto frowned. 'What's stet radiation?'

Jack just smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, before clipping his dive helmet onto his head. 'Don't worry about me. Just you get yourself back to the Moorland. You look like you're about to throw up. And tell General Thorn that he's going to owe us big time for this.'

It took several hours and more than a few trips down to the sub for Jack to effect the necessary repairs. The sub was a long way down and the descent was slow and arduous, even with a weight belt clipped around his middle to help him plunge deep into the dark blue depths. It would have taken longer, but Gloria was a huge help in bringing down the reinforced panels that Jack had to carefully weld into place around the leaking nuclear engines, and using her spare tentacles to hold a light for him so that he could see what he was doing down there in the inky depths. Apart from them, only a few incandescent and strangely alien looking sea creatures dared to approach, giving them a curious assessment, before swimming off once more.

Though he could tell the task was making Gloria feel unwell, she persisted, knowing that Jack would be suffering as well, tiring out from the sheer physicality of fixing the panels, if not from the exposure to the radiation leaking out. The special welding torch he held weighed far less in the deep water than it did above the surface, but his arms were aching inside the dive suit and his face hot and sweaty. By the time he was done, he didn't argue with being offered a lift back to the surface, though he warned Gloria to go slow. After everything they'd done, he didn't want to get the bends on the way back up.

Once Jack was back aboard, sent to be duly decontaminated, and aided by an alien sponge that he'd brought with him which soaked up twelve kids of radiation, Gloria returned to heft the submarine out of the spot where it was jammed in the rocks, wrapping her long tentacles around it and pulling it gently free. Within half a hour, she'd helped the UNIT team to fix any remaining damage, filling the sub full of water to keep the nuclear rods cool and helped haul the sub over to the Moorland, where it could be safely coupled to the carrier for transport back. It was certainly a sight to see a giant squid helping to lift a mini submarine onto the deck of a carrier ship, dwarfing the UNIT officers there to assist. Jack and Ianto supervised the task and then as the sun was beginning to set over the vast ocean around them, they bid Gloria a grateful farewell.

'A very fine job your team did, Captain,' General Thorn said as they dined in his private quarters aboard the Moorland, steaming for home port. Gloria was already back in Cardiff, able to swim much faster than their vessel. By now Ianto assumed she would be settled back into her happy little grotto out in the bay, making inroads snacking on her clams and lobsters, the reward she'd requested, which had been tripled in gratitude for the work she'd done. With the extra leftovers, she'd be very happy indeed, going about her little sea farming hobby. She'd already promised the best of her first catch of lobsters to Jack for Christmas dinner.

'A fine mess you got yourselves into,' Jack replied, taking a sip from his glass of water.

'I believe the saying is that there is naught to be gained from naught risked,' the General replied, unperturbed by Jack's sometimes less that polite responses.

Ianto swallowed the piece of steak he was chewing. 'Perhaps if it's not too presumptuous, sir, you might be better off borrowing our resident technologist Toshiko. She could review the specifications for the submersible and help figure out why it veered so spectacularly off course from its programmed telemetry.'

'Prevention is better than cure?' General Thorn asked.

'Something like that.'

'And will I need to complete the usual requisition form in triplicate for that?'

'Oh, no,' Ianto replied. 'I have a whole other set of paperwork for borrowing our people.'

'It'll take weeks to fill out,' Jack added, smirking.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Heehee! A very fine remix of my fic. Both Gloria and Jack went above and beyond!

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it! Feels like forever ago I wrote this, but I'm about three years behind reading so I don't think there's any remixes on the horizon!

[bk_forever]

I'm way behind with my reading too. I keep meaning to try and catch up, but the time keeps getting taken up with other things.