Fandomweekly Challenge 43 - Pre-mission jitters

[m_findlow]

Title: Pre-mission jitters
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG.
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 43 - Perfection at fandomweekly
Summary: Ianto has his doubts about Jack's grand plans.

Ianto fussed with the zipper on his backpack, making sure everything they needed was inside, even if he'd already checked it four times. He looked back up at Jack to confirm what he suspected he already knew. 'They couldn't have chosen anyone else to go undercover?'

Jack snorted and rolled his eyes. 'Like who? You really think they could send a patrol of Judoon to pretend they'd gone rogue?' Judoon were useful for the Shadow Proclamation's purposes as a law enforcement unit - battle-hardened and focused solely on their mission - but there was such a thing as being too focused. What the Judoon saw as military precision in executing a mission often included executing any innocent lives that got in their way. Thinking outside the box was not part of their mission protocol in achieving their objectives. They were a blunt yet effective instrument.

'I see your point,' Ianto conceded. They were as likely just to march in there in broad daylight and take the thing at gunpoint. 'I still don't see why it had to be us, though.' When he'd signed the pair of them up to assist the Shadow Proclamation, it had been as a liaison role, translation, human aid, and a little political negotiation. It wasn't to be the ones they turned to when they wanted something dirty and off the books to happen.

Jack looked at him in askance. 'Uh, hello? Former conman? I did stuff like this for years.'

Ianto returned his look with equal skepticism. 'And it's been nearly two hundred years since you last did it,' he reminded Jack. 'You're not exactly what I'd call primed.'

'Hey!' Jack scowled in annoyance at Ianto's lack of faith in him. 'I'd say it's like riding a bike, but, well, it's actually nothing like riding a bike. We've got this covered though. It's a simple smash and grab.'

'Without the smashing. Or the grabbing for that matter.'

They'd been approached to assist in a suspected grand heist of a priceless jeweled box, fabled to contain the secrets of time itself. The group who intended to steal it were known to the Shadow Proclamation. What they wanted was to insert their own team of burglars, have them procure the item and hand it over. Only the item they were going to be handing over was a fake, albeit an incredibly good one. Good enough to put them off permanently, thinking they'd successfully nabbed it without anyone knowing.

'I still don't understand why the museum can't be complicit in this,' Ianto remarked. 'It would make stealing it a lot easier if they would just pretend to let us in rather than having to break in for real.'

Jack gave him one of those looks that said he'd asked anything but a simple question. 'If we had three years I could explain the politics to you, but for now, just know that implying their museum security is incapable of preventing a theft could start a civil war that could rage on for decades. The only way to protect this relic is to do it in secret.'

'You really think it does contain the secret of time? Is that why the Shadow Proclamation is so worried?'

'Only one time lord left who might be able to answer that, but let's just say I wouldn't be stealing it just because it looked pretty.'

'They'll know it's a fake when they get it, won't they?' Just because he couldn't tell the real thing from the fake, having visited the museum earlier in the day to get the lay of the land, didn't mean someone who coveted the thing would be fooled.

'People have been trying to puzzle out its mystery for millenia. I don't think these guys are going to know the difference any more than the next person. Now,' Jack said, turning businesslike, 'you've got those security camera angles memorised?'

Ianto nodded. That was his most important job, apart from not setting off any of the hundreds of security alarms and warnings inside the building. He had to use his body to block Jack's from view for just a few precious seconds so that it appeared he was taking the box from its glass casing, whilst switching it with a fake. The genuine article however would never leave the safety of the museum. Its replica, tucked inside Ianto's backpack the whole time, would be the only thing leaving the building. 'I wish we didn't have to pretend to steal anything,' he muttered.

'They're watching us,' Jack replied. 'Have been for days, making sure we hold up our end. These guys are good enough to hack every camera, heat and life signs detector in the museum. The only way we fool them is to put on a show. The last thing they're going to expect is that we went to all this trouble when we had the box right here all along,' he added, patting the backpack affectionately. 'It's the perfect plan.'

'There's no such thing as perfect.'

Jack smirked. 'That's not what you told me in bed the other morning, or on our wedding day, or that time when I-'

Ianto gritted his teeth. 'What I say when I'm still half asleep or jumped up on adrenaline should not be construed as being factually correct.'

Jack slipped Ianto's backpack onto his shoulders and clapped them gently before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. 'Trust me. It'll all work out fine. And they said we get to keep whatever credits these guys pay us for lifting the item.'

'Just saves the Shadow Proclamation having to pay us an amount that might be conceivably reasonable for putting our lives at risk.' Both for attempting to steal a valuable item from one of the universe's most secure museums and for double-crossing the people who wanted what they were going to steal.

'You said you didn't want to be bored.'

Ianto sighed. 'From now on I'm going to keep my big mouth shut.'