Fffc Bingo Card - Nipped

[m_findlow]

Title: Nipped
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Owen 
Author: m_findlow
Rating: M
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none 
Author notes: Written for Bingo Card Prompt 74 - Plums at fffc
Summary: Jack suffers the wrath of a vicious little alien. 

'Holy mother fu…' Jack's string of loud expletives carried on long after Ianto had stopped listening to the specifics of it and had reverted to instead going to see what all the commotion was about. 

Jack got himself into a lot of scrapes - that was pretty much his modus operandi in life, being immortal as he was. That said, even in the most horrific of situations - and in Ianto's comparably short memory, there had been plenty of those, gut wrenching, awful, excruciating moments - Jack had grown accustomed to the pain and the suffering, as much as one was capable of doing so. Jack took the most agonising injuries in the line of duty with a grunt and a hiss, sometimes a cry, when others would have been screaming for all they were worth. His tolerance for fatal injuries was almost inhuman. He'd once been stabbed by an alien whose arm turned into the most deadly sharp appendage Ianto had ever seen and even whilst it was still lodged in Jack's chest, right through his heart for certain, Jack had just stood there and taken it as his body fought to heal itself simultaneously. It was the kind of thing that kept Ianto awake at night, wondering what a hundred lifetimes of that kind of thing did to a man. 

He followed the loud yelling and wave of curses all the way to the bathroom, about to read the riot act to his lover about why he was making such a fuss and did he honestly just expect Ianto to come running every time he started yelling? 

He didn't have to ask what the problem was, however. He could see it plainly enough for himself, and why Jack was howling the way he was. 

'Sweet Jesus,' Ianto swore, taking in the sight. 

Jack had been about to go shower after a long day. The rift had been particularly cruel by dumping on them a whole bunch of nasty little scorpion type creatures which had been scattered all around a shoe repair shop, where they'd promptly hidden themselves away in every toe of every boot, brogue and ballet flat they could find. Jack's warning to them had been clear. Thick gloves before you attempt to capture a single one. Their pincers were as sharp as anything and prepared to cling on for dear life. He thought they'd captured them all, but apparently one had hitched a ride, probably on Jack's coat and come home with them. Only now it wasn't Jack's coat it had attached itself to, but rather the one place Ianto knew he definitely wouldn't want something with sharp vice like pincers gripping him. 

'It won't let go!' Jack cried, standing there in all his naked glory with his face flushed red and his hands trying to get anywhere near the creature except for the fact that every time he did, its stinger tail gave his hand what for. It too had several nasty red welts. 

'I…' Ianto didn't know where to begin, cringing at the obvious pain Jack was in. 

'Please call Owen!' 

Jack was still leaning over the bathroom sink when Owen arrived ten minutes later. Ianto had offered him a bag of frozen peas for a lack of anything else to assist, but it had only made things worse. The desert creature, disliking the sudden cold had only squeezed harder, pressing itself as close as it could to Jack's body for warmth. That had set Jack off on another string of colourful expletives that had included what he might do to Ianto's crown jewels if he didn't do something. Right now! 

'Fuck me,' Owen swore, seeing it for himself, cringing in that same way men collectively did when one of their own copped it down south. 'You weren't wrong when you said it had him by the plums.' They were in fact very purple and swollen thanks to the vicious grip those pincers had on it. 

Jack's eyes watered as he continued to fight against the pain. 'Please just get it off before they drop off! I happen to like them a lot!' 

'He's not the only one,' Ianto said, finally spurring Owen into action. 

'Got some kitchen tongs?' Owen asked, already tugging on a set of thick gloves. 'I was studying these before I knocked off and I reckon there's a tiny little bit just under those pincer claws where their exoskeleton isn't as thick. If I can inject it with a poison, that should be enough to kill it.' 

Ianto rushed to the kitchen and rifled through the drawer, finding tongs. If the circumstances hadn't been so dire, he would have made a quip about barbecues and sausages but as it was he could only feel sympathy. No man wanted to go through that. Thank God it hadn't happened at the hub. He didn't think Gwen and Tosh would fully comprehend the horror. 

Like playing a delicate game of Operation, Owen charged Ianto with pinioning the thing with the tongs whilst he went in the needle. Both of them made Jack swear to every God under the sun not to move an inch. Owen found the spot and injected the serum. A minute later the pincers finally gave up their prize and Jack melted into a puddle on the bathroom floor. Ianto was there to wrap a robe around him and offer him a damp flannel to soothe his aching. 

'Thank you,' Jack said, resting his head against the vanity doors. He looked exhausted. 

'Is there anything that isn't desperate to get into your pants, Harkness?'  

Ianto threw him a warning look. 'Maybe now isn't the time, Owen?' 

Owen groaned. 'Fine. I'll save my “had him by the balls” jokes for another day.' He sighed again. 'Do I also have to prescribe chastity for the next few days? Will your libido cope or do I need to prescribe something for that as well?' 

Ianto waved him away. 'Thank you Dr Harper. You can go now.'