Fffc Bingo Card - Worrying signs

[m_findlow]

Title: Worrying signs 
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Owen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none 
Author notes: Written for Bingo Card Prompt 82 - Poison at fffc
Summary: Jack is having an adverse reaction to an Earth local. 

Owen frowned as he studied the sad creature trying to waddle itself off the road and towards the promising greenery of the nature strip. He couldn't blame it. If he'd been dumped on a wet, oil covered road he'd want off of it too.

'Now that is what I call an alien,' he remarked, keeping a safe four feet distance between him and it as it swayed from side to side on its incredibly short legs. 

Jack chuckled but Owen could tell it wasn't the alien who was the butt of his joke. 

'What?' Owen asked, seemingly having missed the punchline. 

Jack set his hands on his hips and smiled widely. 'Ianto, would you like the honours or shall I?' 

Ianto beamed back at him. 'We hate to break it to you Owen, but that's not an alien.' 

'Wha?' He looked back down as it gained a little speed in order to mount the kerb. It couldn't be anything else. It was all flat and stumpy arms and legs and a big flat tail thing at one end and a matching grey duck's beak at the other end. Its eyes were beady and its fur, for want of calling it that, looked all wet and sleek, a bit like an otter that had just rolled out of the ocean. 'That thing is not from around here,' he said, pointing emphatically at it. 

'Well, you got that much right,' Jack replied. 

'It's a platypus,' Ianto said. 'They're native to Australia, so it is a long way from home, just not as far away as the next planet across. And I expect it's a little disoriented because they don't like too much light.' 

Jack stepped cautiously across to it and gently picked it up. It struggled a little and scratched him a couple of times before realising he wasn't about to hurt it.' For now, let's take the little guy home with us, check it over for any injuries and then we can figure out which zoo would like a new addition to their collection.' 

Of course when Jack had said we, he'd of course meant Owen, who was trying very hard not to upset the creature as he checked its body for any cuts or other signs of distress. 

'Did you know that they're one of the very few egg laying mammals in the world?' Ianto asked, leaning over the railing to watch Owen work. 

'Yes, thank you Mister walking encyclopedia. Well, this one won't be laying any eggs.' 

'Why is that?' 

'Because it's a boy.' 

Ianto folded his arms. 'So you couldn't tell it wasn't an alien but you can determine gender?' 

'Shut up.'

'How're we doing down there?' Jack asked, approaching the railing and leaning heavily on it. 

'Better if my medical skills weren't constantly being questioned,' Owen sniped. 

'Are you okay?' Ianto asked, frowning at the man standing next to him. 'You look a little pale and off colour.'

Jack waved away his concern. 'Just a little queasy. Probably a dodgy bacon roll somewhere along the way.' 

'You haven't had a bacon roll.' 

Jack was about to reply, but instead his hand flew to his mouth. He spun and dove for the nearest waste paper bin, which happened to be Owen's, grabbing it and vomiting into it. 

'Oh, thanks a lot,' Owen grumbled, gently setting the platypus into its box before coming up to join them. Ianto was already fussing as Jack wiped his mouth and then took the proffered handkerchief. 

'Sorry,' Jack apologised. 'Don't know where that came from.'

'Your stomach?' Owen teased. 'How long have you been feeling nauseous?'

'Just this morning.' His face twisted and he grabbed for the bin again, giving it a second helping, although there wasn't much to bring up but it didn't stop his stomach from heaving anyway. Ianto rubbed his back and offered him a glass of water. 

When Jack finally got his stomach under control he looked even paler than before. He was made to sit down in the chair on both their orders. 'I don't mean to be alarmist, but there's only one other time I've felt this nauseous with no explanation.'

Ianto shook his head, going a little pale himself. 'Oh, no. No, you can't be. It doesn't work that way.' 

'Oh, Jesus,' Owen swore, rolling his eyes. 'Okay, well, we'd better take a full body scan to be sure.' 

Ianto went to help Jack up but Owen took over. 'No, Jack comes with me. You sit there.'

'Why am I sitting?' 

'Cause I don't want you fainting on me if what he thinks is true.' 

Ianto ignored him, helping Jack down the steps and taking the bin with them in case Jack felt sick again. Jack was sitting down on the table whilst Owen wheeled over the scanner, putting his hand on the glass top. 

'God, what if he is?' Ianto asked, too impatient to wait for the results. 'I mean, how did we?' 

'I'd rather not think about it,' Owen said, cutting off his worrying. 

When the scan came back clean, Owen frowned. 'Okay, so you're not pregnant. I think we can all be relieved about that.'

Jack gagged and Ianto was quick to hand him the bin. 'Okay, so why is he so sick then?' 

'I'll have to run more tests. Help him out of that coat so I can check his blood pressure.' 

Jack hugged the bin to his lap as they coaxed one arm out, then the other. Ianto rolled up the sleeve on his left arm. 

'Where did you get these scratches?' Ianto asked, tenderly touching the red marks on Jack's forearm. 

Jack leaned over the bin. 'Picking up the platypus. It's nothing.' 

Ianto rolled his eyes at Jack's nonchalance. 'Owen, run a tox kit on him.' 

'Why?'

'I think he's been poisoned. Platypuses have barbs on their legs that contain venom. Male platypuses.' 

'Bugger me.' Poisoned? That would explain Jack's nausea. 'How'd you know that?' 

'Because I'm a walking encyclopedia.'