Fffc Bingo Card - Always running

[m_findlow]

Title: Always running 
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none 
Author notes: Written for Bingo Card Prompt 92 - Running at fffc
Summary: Jack knows that one day he'll have to face up to things, but for now he can keep trying to outrun it. 

Jack felt the gentle tug of the transport beam picking him up and dumping him inside the cargo hold of the ship. He hadn't teleported for a while and even thigh his stomach churned a little from the sensation of being yanked through space, several thousand miles from his place atop the hills just outside of Cardiff to a ship teetering on the edge of the local solar system, it wasn't the nausea that got to him. It was a different feeling altogether, both heavy and light all at the same time. He was free. He wasn't Jack Harkness, head of Torchwood Three, anymore. He wasn't even sure he was Jack Harkness at all. In truth, he beverage had been, Jack Harkness was another man who'd lived in another time, been a war hero and died a brave death in terrible circumstances. He'd simply taken the name for convenience, and not just a little but on account of the Captain's sterling record. It helped to be able to ingratiate himself into the US Air Force by having a file that was full of commendations. No one was going to question a decorated officer. 

He'd been a lot of different people over the years, and most of them were just a name for convenience, that he could shed like a dirty shirt and cast it off when it was no longer needed. If he wanted to, he could go all the way back to who he'd been born. Javic Thane was a name that he hadn't used in nearly two hundred years. He wasn't sure that was him any more than he was anybody else. Maybe it was time to take on another new name. A new name for a new phase of his life, far removed from the one he'd lived for so long it had almost become permanent. 

Gwen had been wrong about him. She'd told him he couldn't run forever. The truth was that she just didn't want him running away from her. He'd introduced her to Torchwood and all the many marvels of the universe that had opened her eyes to so many possibilities beyond just being a police officer, walking the beat and helping drunken valleys girls home on a Saturday night. The universe was so much bigger and more brilliant than that, and she'd only just tasted the tiniest bit of it really. It was virtually infinite and even Jack with all his years under his belt had barely scratched the surface of it. 

He didn't want to show her all that she hadn't yet seen. She belonged back there on Earth, with Rhys and the baby that they'd made together. She'd be a great mum and they'd live a long happy life, far away from aliens and the rift and most importantly, away from Jack. 

Jack was the reason he couldn't stay on Earth. He'd done so much but there was so much he hadn't done. So many lives he could have saved and hadn't. The whole planet was just one big graveyard full of souls that had loved him and died because of it. 

After everything that had happened, he'd taken some time to try and come to grips with it all. He'd lost so many people he'd loved in his life and somehow he'd always bounced back from it and returned to Cardiff with a renewed energy to make things right and work harder to prevent the same thing from ever happening again. But losing Ianto had been too much for him. He could have reconciled with the sacrifices he'd made, offering up the life of his own grandson to save millions if only someone had been there to reassure him there'd been no other option. Jack spent months Travelling all over the globe, wondering if Ianto's death had turned him into a self destructive time bomb. Had he unconsciously wanted to sever every last tie he had with this planet so that he wouldn't feel obligated to stay? 

He'd never told Ianto he loved him. Not properly. Not really meaning it, and not it was too late. Perhaps he hadn't realised it himself until Ianto was gone just how much he meant. What Jack did know what's that he didn't want to be here anymore. There was nothing left for him. He'd found his doctor, served his time, and loved and lost more than anyone. He'd been running his whole life, from the day they stole Gray and his father, all the way up to his very first death aboard the game station in 200,100. Running was all he knew how to do.

He never could stay in one place. Only one person had made him want to stay put, just to see whether they really could be happy together, but now that person was gone, and Jack didn't want to shoulder any of the responsibility he'd created for himself any longer. His actions had already cost so many people their lives.

That was what happened when he stayed in one place for too long. He was dangerous, a weapon, untamed and uncontrollable. He needed to be somewhere his presence wouldn't cause chaos. If he just stopped trying to influence matters, that was a good start. He'd earned the right to just be a layabout, skipping from place to place with no real plan and no intention of hanging around. He'd missed the friendships and the camaraderie that came with building up relationships, but he wouldn't miss knowing that he'd end up getting them killed. That was his curse, to keep living and letting others die in his place. It was cruel and terrible - far worse than being killed by a dalek. But he knew what he had to do. Keep moving, keep running, don't make friends and don't hang about. He could do that. He didn't need anyone else. Needing was loving and loving was a death sentence. No more people were going to die on account of him.