Fandomweekly Challenge 80 - Mortal frenemies

[m_findlow]

Title: Mortal frenemies
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG. Minor spoilers for Big Finish audioplay "Outbreak"
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 80 - Opposites attract at fandomweekly
Summary: Ianto is paid a visit from someone he'd like to stay buried in the past.

'Cooee!'

The sound made Ianto jump out of his skin in what had been an otherwise silent and peaceful hub. 'Oh no,' he murmured, afraid to look up.

'Place hasn't changed one jot, has it?' said the unmistakable voice of Norton Folgate. 'What do you people do here all day if not interior decorating?'

Ianto felt his body go tense at the intrusion before finally turning around to find the man standing in the doorway of Jack's office.

Norton smiled and gave a little wave. 'Ianto Jones, 2009 and you're still here.'

'I'm still here,' Ianto replied, grinding his teeth. 'The question is, how are you here?'

'Soft light pharadigm projector,' he beamed.

Ianto shook his head. 'No, you can't have. Jack destroyed it. I mean, I would have destroyed it, probably, but he got there first.'

Norton leaned casually in the doorway. A little too casually for Ianto's liking. 'Oh, yes and didn't he do a bang up job? Quite the temper that day, what between being mildly annoyed with me and wanting to kill you all at the same time.' The fact that he could discuss it with such indifference made Ianto's blood boil. Norton was the whole reason any of it happened in the first place, and there he was, putting money each way on which of them might kill the other just in order to make it out of there alive.

'We got over it. That still doesn't explain how you're here.'

'Oh, come now, Ianto.' Norton pouted at him condescendingly. 'Be smart. You destroyed your projector. The one in 2009. Mine back here in 1953 is just peachy perfect. I can come and go whenever I like. Why, just the other day I popped over to 1879 for a splendid matinee performance of HMS Pinafore.'

Ianto groaned inwardly. He hated musicals. 'Must be my lucky day, then.'

'Quite.' Norton pushed away from the door. 'Now, I happen to know something about the future. Probably shouldn't, paradoxes and all. But wondering if a chap like you might fetch me something from your archives and pop it in the post.'

'Oh, sure,' Ianto replied. 'Just point me in the direction of the post box back to 1953. You never know, I might post myself. Pay you a visit. With my gun.'

Norton's head cocked sideways in a way that was altogether too smug. 'I'm getting the distinct impression that you don't like me very much. I can't imagine why. Dapper young thing like me…'

Ianto drummed his fingers on the desk. 'Hmm. Might have something to do with you trying to get me killed earlier this year.'

'Fiddlesticks.' There was that pout again. 'That was all Jack and you know it. I didn't give him the virus that turned him into a lovesick homicidal maniac, did I?'

'No. You just made sure the Good Thinking Project wasn't quite as dead and buried back in the fifties as it should have been. Everyone's fine here now, by the way. Thanks for asking.'

'Like there was ever any doubt they'd figure out a vaccine for it eventually. Only took fifty years.'

'People died, Norton. Innocent people.'

'Not that innocent if they got infected by a virus that only targets sinful thoughts. Kind of the point, really. Jack not here, then? As much as I love you trying to be all butch and bossy…'

'He's gone out.' Ianto was getting tired of Norton's attempt at banter. How he'd ever survived Torchwood was still a mystery. How Jack hadn't killed him sixty years ago was even more of one. Jack… His thoughts drifted momentarily. No, he wouldn't have had a thing with Norton. Even Jack had standards. 'Disappear, Norton. Before I figure out a way to pharadigm project myself to wherever you are and hurt you.'

'So, that would be a no to helping me? Pity. 1953 was so lovely. I hate to think what 2009 will look like once they've taken over here.'

Ianto caught himself and stopped. 'They?'

Norton waved him off. 'Never mind. You're not interested in helping. Guess I'll just have to take my chances at defeating them all by my little defenseless self without the aid of any spiffy twenty first century artifacts that could save the world. Bit of a fifty-fifty really. Or maybe a thirty-seventy. You never can tell with these things. So, enjoy 2009 while it lasts. Might only be another few hours. Not that you'll probably even know it's changed.'

Ianto glowered at him. 'I really hate you.'

Norton smirked. 'Yes, but I can tell you're Jack's favourite. Never could get him to like me very much. Now, spit spot. Off to the archives we go. You know, when he gets back you get to tell him how you saved 1953 and 2009. Won't that be just dolly?'

'Maybe I won't give you the satisfaction of Jack knowing I helped you.'

'You say that now, but you will tell him. I know you. You're like me.'

Ianto’s fists balled at his sides. 'I'm nothing like you.'

'Oh? Didn't you just threaten me with your gun earlier? That's precisely how I'd play it too if someone was trying to twist my arm behind my back to do them a favour. I'm not a fan of pushy people but I'll make an exception for you.'

'Are you sure there's absolutely no way for me to pharadigm project my fist through to 1953 and make it hurt?' Or maybe a bullet.

'Sorry, old bean. That's the beauty of this thing. Face it, Ianto. I'm Torchwood, you're Torchwood, and for just a few agonisingly tedious minutes, we have to work together.'

Ianto closed his eyes so that Norton wouldn't see how utterly resigned he was to this. Moreso, that he wouldn't be able to see how smug that camp little twat would be right now. 'Fine.'

'Spiffing! Lead the way, you sexy thing, you.'

Ianto sighed. Jack was going to kill him when he found out.