Slashthedrabble Challenge 616 - A dog's life

[m_findlow]

Title: A dog's life
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 616 - Mischief at slashthedrabble
Summary: Jack is learning all about the havoc he caused when switching bodies with a stray.


Jack stretched his arms over his head and yawned. 'Boy is it good to be back in my own body,' he declared. 'I mean, a vacation is always nice, but a little more warning next time that I'm going to be spending it as a canine would be good, ya know?'

Ianto sighed as he fell into step next to Jack. 'Well, I for one am glad that you're back to normal. God knows you caused enough mischief, not to mention your temporarily human partner in crime. Some days I think human you was worse than dog you. He certainly didn't take a shining to me.'

Jack shook his head. 'I honestly don't really remember any of it.'

'Well, of course not. Your brain was condensed down to the size of a clementine. Cognitive and recall functions would have been the first to go. All you had space for was running, slobbering, barking, eating and, well, the opposite of eating. That's something I won't miss having to clean up.'

'You picked up my poop? Aw! That's so sweet of you!' Jack pulled him close and squeezed him tight.

'Get off me and shut your face,' Ianto said, squirming his way out of Jack's overly affectionate grip. Having to admit you'd picked up anyone's poop was mortifying, even if they had been a dog at the time. 'I just didn't want it stinking up the place, and you never would go when I took you for a walk like a normal dog. Plenty of tree marking of course. Think you claimed half of bloody Cardiff as yours and God knows I didn't let you drink that much. Not unless you were sneaking into the toilet and filling up. Wouldn't put it past you.'

'Okay, that's disgusting, even for me,' Jack replied, pulling a face and looking like he wished Ianto hadn't mentioned it.

'Then perhaps you'd prefer I reacquaint you with my favourite pair of dress shoes, which you commandeered as your new favourite chew toy. Completely destroyed now, mind. Genuine Italian leather, they were. Always knew you had expensive taste in shoes even if you never buy any.'

Jack tried and failed to hide his amusement. 'Oops.'

'Quite,' Ianto agreed. 'You'll be buying me a new pair.'

'Anything else I should know about my life as a dog?'

'Not really. Your manners were as bad as always, you were constantly underfoot, constantly hungry, impossible to stay sat anywhere for more than five seconds, you still snored and still left drool all over my pillows. No different to any other day.'

Jack nudged him. 'Oh, come on. I was cute, wasn't I? Admit it. You loved having me wanna sit in your lap and scratch my ears and rub my tummy.'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'Only I normally get more sexual gratification out of it. A tail wag really doesn't do it for me.'

'I'll make it up to you, I promise.'

Ianto smirked. 'You bet your sexy arse you will.'