Anythingdrabble Challenge 193 - A boyfriend in need

[m_findlow]

Title: A boyfriend in need
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack, Ianto
Word Count: 500 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for Challenge 193- Happen at anythingdrabble
Summary: Jack is in a world of trouble and needs help.


Ianto's expression when he sees me is totally predictable.

'So… guess what? I'm pregnant. But don't worry, it isn't human.'

Insert disbelieving furious look here. 'Oh, great. So, not only are you pregnant with someone else's… child. Now you're telling me it isn't even human? Christ, Jack.'

I shrug. 'It just happened.'

'Things like this. Do. Not. Just. Happen.' I get a finger poke in the chest as Ianto clearly enunciates each word. Chest poking is never a good sign when it comes to Ianto and his temper. Not to mention it kinda hurts just a little bit.

'Explain.'

I sigh. We're both grown ups here. I'm pretty sure Ianto knows how these kinds of things usually happen, but I suppose this is a little bit different. 'Well, when a male Wobzigtinata and another male Wobzigtinata love each other very much…' and yes, I know for a fact they were both male. You can't hide those bits of anatomy when they're that big. Kind of a shame they're not into threesomes in the pleasurable, kinky way, only the procreate at all costs kinda way.

'Don't patronise me, Jack.'

'Fine.' I carry on with my story. 'When two Wobzigtinata love each other very much they decide that the next mammalian species that comes along will make a useful host for their spawn.'

That gets his attention. 'Host?'

I rest my hand over the bulge sticking out, stretching my clothes to their limit. It's not a protective instinct like mothers do. More a "geez, it's only been two hours since it happened, how the hell many eggs are in there and how big am I gonna get?" 'Yeah,' I say uselessly.

'How?'

'Maybe we could worry less about the how it happened and more on the what's going to happen to me in the next few hours. It sure as hell isn't going to be all happy and pleasant and us picking out baby clothes and painting the nursery.' I sigh again. 'Truth is, most hosts don't survive this. Judging by how things are progressing,' I add, looking down again, 'I'd say that's pretty much a given. They're more a burst from the cocoon than a natural birth.'

'But…' Ianto pauses to think it over, 'if you die you'll just come back and you'll be back to normal again.'

I shake my head. 'Dying fixes injuries. Pregnancy isn't an injury.' Just one long series of painful deaths as my body does its best to kill me.

'Oh. That's bad.'

'Yeah. That's why I'm gonna need you. When the time comes I need you to cut them out before they rip their way outta me.'

'Jesus,' Ianto gasps.

'I need you, Ianto. I don't always like to admit it, but right now I really do.' Pregnant is not my thing. Never has been, never will be. So much for contraceptives in the rain saving me.

Ianto suddenly grabs me in a fierce hug. 'Well, of course I'll be there for you, you numpty!'