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m_findlowTitle: Full of sorrow
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 619 - Sorrow at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
slashthedrabble
Summary: Ianto has never known pain like this.
Ianto could feel his body shaking on the inside as Jack wrapped he and Gwen in a hug. It wasn't real. Nothing felt real. This had to all be a bad dream that he was going to wake up from any minute now. He was going to wake up in the tiny little cot under Jack's office, wrapped up tight in his arms with the world around them back to how it had been before John Hart had ever turned up in their lives. Tosh would be upstairs working on her computer and Owen would be in his medical bay, moaning and griping about everything, just how it should be.
He could barely come to terms with losing Owen and Tosh. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have lost a brother as well. Gray might not be dead, strictly speaking, but he was as good as. How many long years had Jack punished himself over Grays disappearance? How many more would the memory and knowledge of what had become of him torture Jack's soul?
"The end is where we start from." Ianto didn't believe those words. The end simply felt like the end. Nothing else possible beyond it.
Gwen pulled away from Jack's reassuring embrace. She couldn't bear to be here a minute longer. The hub was too full of the ghosts of people they'd loved.
One hand remained on Ianto's own shoulder. He sniffed, wiping the back of his hand across his nose instead of reaching for his handkerchief. It was so unlike him yet he couldn't form a coherent thought. His hand came back so much wetter than he expected. His face was dripping with tears he'd held back for so long. He wanted to be strong for Jack who needed someone to tell him it was okay, but it wasn't okay.
Ianto spun and buried himself deep into Jack's warm chest, more tears spilling and soaking into the blue fabric. Everything had hurt when he'd lost Lisa and yet this was altogether worse because it was his fault. He couldn't have stopped the cybermen and the daleks but he could have stopped Gray. If he'd been faster or smarter or better, he could have done something to protect Tosh. He could have been the one to volunteer to go to Turnmill, weevils be damned. Then it only would have been him dead and not his friends.
'It should have been me,' he mumbled into Jack's chest, feeling his sorrow and despair reach a new level of agony.
Jack pushed him back and cupped his cheek. His own eyes were flooded with unshed tears and more still making tracks down his face. 'No. I couldn't bear it. I wish I could have saved them, but I can't lose you. I'd rather die.'
'It doesn't feel like it'll ever stop hurting.'
Jack hugged him tight. 'It will. I promise it will. It's going to hurt for a long time, but we'll hurt together.'
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 619 - Sorrow at
slashthedrabbleSummary: Ianto has never known pain like this.
Ianto could feel his body shaking on the inside as Jack wrapped he and Gwen in a hug. It wasn't real. Nothing felt real. This had to all be a bad dream that he was going to wake up from any minute now. He was going to wake up in the tiny little cot under Jack's office, wrapped up tight in his arms with the world around them back to how it had been before John Hart had ever turned up in their lives. Tosh would be upstairs working on her computer and Owen would be in his medical bay, moaning and griping about everything, just how it should be.
He could barely come to terms with losing Owen and Tosh. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have lost a brother as well. Gray might not be dead, strictly speaking, but he was as good as. How many long years had Jack punished himself over Grays disappearance? How many more would the memory and knowledge of what had become of him torture Jack's soul?
"The end is where we start from." Ianto didn't believe those words. The end simply felt like the end. Nothing else possible beyond it.
Gwen pulled away from Jack's reassuring embrace. She couldn't bear to be here a minute longer. The hub was too full of the ghosts of people they'd loved.
One hand remained on Ianto's own shoulder. He sniffed, wiping the back of his hand across his nose instead of reaching for his handkerchief. It was so unlike him yet he couldn't form a coherent thought. His hand came back so much wetter than he expected. His face was dripping with tears he'd held back for so long. He wanted to be strong for Jack who needed someone to tell him it was okay, but it wasn't okay.
Ianto spun and buried himself deep into Jack's warm chest, more tears spilling and soaking into the blue fabric. Everything had hurt when he'd lost Lisa and yet this was altogether worse because it was his fault. He couldn't have stopped the cybermen and the daleks but he could have stopped Gray. If he'd been faster or smarter or better, he could have done something to protect Tosh. He could have been the one to volunteer to go to Turnmill, weevils be damned. Then it only would have been him dead and not his friends.
'It should have been me,' he mumbled into Jack's chest, feeling his sorrow and despair reach a new level of agony.
Jack pushed him back and cupped his cheek. His own eyes were flooded with unshed tears and more still making tracks down his face. 'No. I couldn't bear it. I wish I could have saved them, but I can't lose you. I'd rather die.'
'It doesn't feel like it'll ever stop hurting.'
Jack hugged him tight. 'It will. I promise it will. It's going to hurt for a long time, but we'll hurt together.'
