Slashthedrabble Challenge 634 - First time customers

[m_findlow]

Title: First time customers
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 634 - Mistaken identity at slashthedrabble
Summary: Ianto is fearful that they're about to be evicted.


Ianto groaned as he saw the man approaching their table. Oh no. He wanted to hide behind his menu except it simply wasn't big enough to do so. Just when he'd been thinking they might get away with a nice dinner out, it looked very much like they weren't going to get past pre-dinner drinks.

Their last visit had been something of a spectacle after the waiter had taken issue with them. There'd been yelling and over the top finger pointing. There'd very nearly been plates thrown across the room. It was a wonder the waiter was even still employed. It had also been a wonder they'd made it through the front door and not had their photos on some maitre de's blacklist.

'Good evening, sirs,' the waiter greeted them. 'I see you've already chosen a wine. A good choice, indeed,' he agreed, spotting the label on the bottle. 'Have you had a chance to peruse the appetisers? The burnt butter scallops are excellent this evening.'

'We'll take two,' Jack replied. 'And two of your finest fillet mignon with a side of greens and the kipfler potatoes.'

The waiter took their menus and bowed, leaving with their order memorised rather than written down. Ianto watched him leave with complete astonishment. He expected fireworks and more yelling, and their ultimate eviction.

'I feel like I've just stepped into the twilight zone and that we're eating at a completely different restaurant where the waiter doesn't hate our guts and is ten seconds away from calling the police on us.'

Jack smirked, slipping slowly from his glass of water. 'I don't know what you mean, Ianto.'

'I think you do. He just pretended like he'd never seen us before.'

'Maybe it was a case of mistaken identity.'

Ianto raised an eyebrow at him. 'A reasonably handsome looking gay couple dressed in a suit and nineteen forties military surplus walk into a restaurant and nobody remembers they've been here before, dressed exactly the same?'

Jack shrugged. 'Maybe we're not as unusual as you like to think. We could be totally everyday and forgettable.'

Ianto's hand stopped halfway to his mouth, breadstick hovering in mid-air as the realisation struck him between the eyes. 'Oh, tell me you didn't.'

'Didn't what?'

'You did!' Ianto leaned lower over the table so he could hiss at Jack. 'You went and bloody retconned him!'

'So what if I did?' Jack said, not even bothering to deny it. 'We happen to really like this restaurant. It'd be a shame to be barred on account of one waiter with some unfairly held opinions on what constitutes an appropriate public display of affection.'

'I think it was your table manners he took issue with more than the snog across the rocket and parmesan salad.' Then again, French waiters were a peculiar bunch.

'Can we just enjoy the evening and have you spank me later?'

'That was the original plan, wasn't it? Only perhaps keep your hands to yourself until we get home.'