Anythingdrabble Challenge 211 - Toothy grin

[m_findlow]

Title: Toothy grin
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack, Owen, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Word Count: 500 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for Challenge 211 - Jagged at anythingdrabble
Summary: Jack's latest predicament is going to result in some undesirable treatment.


'It's always something with you, isn't it Harkness?' Owen said, sighing as he examined his patient. For someone whose smile was usually so disarming, it was now quite horrific as his normal pearly whites had been replaced by several sets of sharp, pointed shark's teeth.

'He's not good at not touching,' Ianto said. 'But Tosh discovered a set of downloadable instructions on the device and is working them through our translation programs as we speak.'

Owen looked unimpressed. 'Right. Because an alien doohickey that transforms your dental profile is abundantly helpful in protecting us against the future.'

'Let's just be grateful that was all it transformed, and not his entire body. I'd never have gotten him back in the SUV. He'd have had to be dumped in the bay and swum back to the hub.'

Jack brightened a moment. 'I'd vee Nack Sharkness!'

Ianto frowned at the terrible pun. 'Please don't smile. It's really freaking everybody out.'

'Ow! I dink I must ut my mongue.' He tried to poke it out for someone to inspect it but it just got caught on even more teeth and added a few extra cuts, assuming it hadn't already fallen victim to the same treatment.

'Perhaps it might be an idea not to talk,' Owen suggested.

'Good advice in general,' Ianto added.

'Mis shuchks,' Jack moped.

'What did we just say about not talking?' Jack folded his arms in sulky petulance at Ianto's suggestion. He'd still mastered pouting and frowning despite his latest disfigurement.

'Tosh's translation of some of the instructional notes are coming through,' Owen said, scrolling down through them on his tablet. 'Hmm…'

'And? Can we reverse it? I can think of at least five reasons why it would be bad for Jack to remain like this.'

'It's not so much a reversal as letting nature take its course,' Owen replied. 'Shark's teeth fall out on a regular basis due to the way they tear apart their kills, and the new set tucked behind them moves forward in the gum to replace them.'

'Okay, but without getting too close to look again, I'd say he'd got at least four or five rows of them in there already.' Small wonder his tongue was taking a beating, given its propensity to flap. 'And just between us, Jack's table manners are bad enough without me giving him half a side of beef to tear through without cutlery.'

'Hey!'

'Shut up. You know it's true.'

'Well, according to this, his original teeth should be the last set to replace the existing ones, once they're all gone.'

'Isn't there some way to speed up the process?'

Owen shrugged. 'We could try extraction. One set at a time, to give them time to move forward in the jaw.'

'Mo may!' Jack mumbled in protest. The jagged teeth gnashed at them as he spoke.

'He hates dentists,' Ianto explained.

Owen smirked. 'Who said anything about a dentist? You club him over the head, and I'll go fetch the pliers.'